i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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