Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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