I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
people are starting to question the shark bite story
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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