The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
