I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
