And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Randomize
