I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
We are all done wearing pants today
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
