do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
