Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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