i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
