Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
