I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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