He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
