I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
