he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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