I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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