apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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