Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
