Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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