So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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