before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
