So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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