i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
