We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
