that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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