im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
