Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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