That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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