I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Randomize
