the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
