.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
FUCK WHALES
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
