Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
