He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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