Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
