Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
