We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
