I'm eating all of the evidence.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
