i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
It was confusing and full of hummus
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
