Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
