Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
