I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
