Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
