Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
ttyl tear gas
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
