Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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