I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
