this just has baby written all over it
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
