a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
My penis needs a shock collar
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
