8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
