I only kidnapped one of them. chill
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
