Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
