Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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