You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Randomize
