i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
