He is such a slut. More and more my type.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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