Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
